Have you ever had the urge to check up on yourself to see if you were as popular or had a good of a life as others? If not, head on over to Facebook. It's the place to see if you are measuring up. If you have a low sense of self-worth, social media is often the death knell to your well-being and sense of positive identity.
It is no secret that the internet is full of lies, and social media is ground zero for the fakest, manufactured images of prosperity and well-living that exists on the internet. If you are not living up to others, what's wrong with you? There must be something with you because everyone else seems to be living their absolute best possible life and winning it, right?
Not quite. But you can't deny that some people paint a picture of near-perfect prosperity, family lives, and idyllic living that you could never hope to measure up to in the real world. The truth is, their lives are not quite up to the bar that they are projecting out to everyone else.
Everyone has struggles, addictions, battles, bad days, anger, deep-seated latent mental issues, jealousy, envyrage, feelings of self-loathing, depression, and malcontentment. In fact, there is not one person on this green earth that lives a life that is quite what they proclaim exists on social media. Why is it that most people claim to need a "break" from time to time. Yet, most people are afraid to say it, because it may make them look less than perfect.
Humans are social creatures, but up to a point. We are more social with those we love (spouses, children, and very close friends). Yet, even these relationships have limits. Once we pass the threshold of comfort, we start to want to withdraw. Yet, on social media, we treat strangers as if they are spouses, by opening up our entire lives to everyone who wants to take a peek inside of our lives. And, later on we realize that we feel naked when we expose our insecurities to the world. On the other side of the coin is this idea that we should share every tiny accomplishment that we have made in life. We hope for some kind of societal affirmation or that we will be noticed for what we have accomplished in life. Yet, the reality is that few care, and even have the capacity to care. Sure, you may get some likes, but the human mind is preoccupied and obsessed with self. The further you are out of the loop of friendship, the more you will be passed over or ignored. Yet, it looks like others are more popular, live better lives, or have all their ducks in a row. Those people get the greatest reward because others desire to have what they have -- popularity and that life that is just too orchestrated to be real.
In the real world you see families that fight tooth and nail, filled to the brim with jealousy and overflowing anger. On Facebook, this has been replaced with the illusion of love and forgiveness. In the real world your dinner is soggy and needs to be eaten ASAP before the flies land on it and usurp it. On social media, the meals are almost time-frozen in plastic, looking next to perfect. In the real world, you are rewarded for the fruits of your labor, on social media you may get likes (depending on how jealous your life makes others). If you make people too jealous--if your life looks too perfect--or if you have something that someone else wants--you will be a pariah. Welcome to the club.
Social media is a voyeur's dream. Where thousands of eyes can stop by and take a close look at your life, and you have to walk the fine line between looking "good enough" but not "too good." People don't like you if you are not good enough, and people literally hate you if you are "too good." If you don't figure out how to navigate this tightrope life you will wash out, feeling only self-loathing and negative self-worth. Is it worth it?
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Thank you for this article. I'm going to be 60 next year thus I have lived most of my life without social media and Facebook. I definitely prefer life before Facebook took over humanity and human communication. Actually I feel fortunate that I experienced life on earth before the advent of the smartphone and the cancer that is Facebook and social media. Please keep writing, I am hopeful that more and more Facebook devotees will begin to see the light.
ReplyDelete"Everyone has struggles, addictions, battles, bad days, anger, deep-seated latent mental issues, jealousy, envy, rage, feelings of self-loathing, depression, and malcontentment."
ReplyDeleteAgree totally. The thing is, I know people who will admit to "bad days" but would never, ever in a million years admit to any of the others. Deep-seated latent mental issues? Self-loathing?? NEVER! Oh no, not me! I'm on top of the world! I never have a negative thought, never doubt myself and I do everything right! Even in "real life" many people feel they have to act like they are on top all the time, they're in control, everything comes easy to them, and of course, these same people portray this same image on social media.
Survival of the fittest or perhaps the socially fittest. Because in Western culture, to admit to any of those things in quotes above is to admit vulnerability, frailty and thus weakness. To admit to weakness in our culture is really not acceptable. Why? Because someone will come along, take advantage of your perceived weakness and run right over you, and you'll be left behind. Happens all the time. We're conditioned from birth that we have to "win", we have to be "successful". Our individualistic culture is soooo competitive and no one wants to lose or fail. No one wants to hang around with someone who can't keep up, and who doesn't present this image of success and prosperity. I'm female so can only speak for myself, but in my experience, a woman learns that she can trust few other women, as they are all competing with each other and with you. Your "friend" will sometimes turn out to be your frenemy, someone you cannot admit weakness or fear to, she will use this information to her social advantage. Sad but it happens all the time. So everyone in our highly competitive, consumerist culture pretends that all is hunky dory, no one has any problems, he or she who has the most toys wins and life is just peachy keen and easy all the time. Which obviously, is just not true but if you wanna win, you gotta play the game. You gotta play the part. Shakespeare knew this!
I prefer people you can be "real" with but many people are putting on facades because they fear being perceived as weak. Facebook/social media is a perfect vehicle for them. Of course, some of these same people also use Facebook to complain or seek sympathy and constant attention from hundreds if not thousands of eager followers.
Everybody knows life has ups and downs. Very few have a completely "up" life. People often use Facebook to prove to others that their lives are really great because they have been conditioned by our toxic, consumerist and highly competitive culture that you have be on top in order to win. It's so transparent. I am not a fan of Facebook, it makes me feel like sh*t and I'm not afraid to admit it.